Irish Golf Jokes

Irish Golf Jokes

A pastor, a doctor and yer man Paddy were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  Paddy fumed, "What's with these guys?  We’ve been waiting for 15 minutes!"  The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."  "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"  The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."  The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."  The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."  Paddy said, "Can't these guys play at night?"

Recently Paddy was asked to play in a golf tournament.  At first Paddy said, ‘Naaahhh!’ Then they said to him, “Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind kids.”  Then Paddy thought… HELL- I could win this!  

Father Sullivan woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, and decided he just had to play golf.  So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.  As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Sullivan headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.  This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone.  After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!  At about this time, Saint Patrick leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"  The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."  Just then Father Sullivan hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.  IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!  St. Patrick was astonished.  He looked at the Lord and asked,  "Why did you let him do that?"  The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

Mick goes golfing every Saturday with Paddy. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late.  His wife asks him, “What took you so long?”  Mick says, “That was the worst game of golf I’ve ever had.  We got up to the first tee, and Paddy hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack.”  Mick’s wife says, “That’s terrible!”
“I know.”   Says Mick, “Then, for  seventeen holes, it was hit the ball, drag Paddy, hit the ball, drag Paddy, hit the ball, drag Paddy. . .”

Sean and his wife Colleen, were both keen golfers. Colleen was feeling neglected and wanted to know how much he loved her. "If I die tomorrow", she said, "and you remarried, would you give your new wife my jewelry?"  "What an awful thing to ask" exclaimed Sean. "But no, of course not"  "And would you give her any of my clothes?" "No, honey, of course not"  "What about my golf clubs?" "No, she's left handed."