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Paddy was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question was intended for
people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" Paddy answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
The public works director of Dublin city was directed to take bids for the building of a new fountain. The first contractor, a man from County Cork, said it would cost $9,000.00. "OK", said the director, brake down the cost." The Cork man said, "$3,000 for the materials, $3,000 for the men, and $3,000 for me."
The second contractor, from County Waterford, said it would cost $18,000. Again the director asked, "Brake down the cost." The Waterford man said, "$6,000 for the materials, $6,000 for the men, and $6,000 for me." Finally the director interviewed a Dublin contractor, who said, "$27,000 is my price." The director said, "Brake down the cost for me." To which, your Dublin man told the director, "$9,000 for me, $9,000 for you, and we get the guy from Cork to build the fountain!"
A young engineer was leaving the office at 6.45 p.m. when he found Mr. Murphy, the Managing Director standing in front of the paper shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," barked Murphy, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said Murphy as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."
A Mexican, an Italian and our Irishman, Paddy, were doing construction work upon scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch when the Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Italian opened his lunch box and said, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time, I'm jumping too." And Paddy said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time, I'm going to jump off with you." Well - The next day, the Mexican opened his lunch box, saw a burrito; and jumped to his death. The Italian opened his lunch box, saw the pasta, and umped to his death too. Paddy, opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and also jumped to his death. At their funerals... the Mexican's wife wept and said, "I could have given him tacos, or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." The Italian's wife cried, "If I had only known how tired of pasta he was, I would have given him meatballs". Paddy's wife said, "Don't look at me. He packed his own lunches."
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